I decided to dedicate today as the beginning of “Sunday Vibes”. I would not say that I am the most devout Christian, not even sure if I can be labelled a Christian. Maybe more of a closet Christian? I read, pray and grow in private. Growing up we sporadically went to church and I considered myself to be more spiritual than religious. Now as I grow older I realize there are certain qualities I would like my children (and myself!) to possess and they seem to only be found through spiritual growth.
While I refuse to air my dirty laundry out in public a little insight is needed. We went through a small rough patch, as every couple does, wondering if we were the right fit for each other’s lives and if we wanted to make the commitment to spend the rest of our lives together. This difficult period, thankfully, did not last long as we both realized we could not live without the other. That is when the real learning curve began.
I felt I was struggling. It appeared as though we weren’t understanding one another’s needs and it was leading to frustration. One day I was at work, taking my morning Pinterest break (some people take coffee breaks, I take Pinterest breaks haha) and I decided to type in “marriage advice”. This led me to Marquis Clarke’s blog, Simply Clarke. There was a post on 11 Must Read Marriage Books. I clicked onto one and began to read, it titled Love and Respect. A part that really spoke to me was “The Crazy Cycle”. It showed how a breakdown of love and respect from both partners leads to ultimate destruction if the cycle is not broken.
This book further led me to Ephesians 5:22-25 . Some of you may be familiar to this passage, I was not. I also was quick to learn how controversial it was, just from the wording. Some versions contain the word “submit”, others contain the word “obey”. In this new age we live in a lot of women find it to be misogynistic to entertain the idea of “submitting” to their partner. After reading and reflecting I realized this is what Dr. Emerson Eggerichs was speaking about in “The Crazy Cycle”. It is not that one needs to submit themselves entirely to their husbands in every regard or obey their every demand and thought but rather they need to RESPECT their husbands and in return he needs to love his wife with everything he has.
This was a revelation for me. I thought back onto the times I felt he was not loving me the way I considered I wanted. Then I thought, was I being the most lovable version of myself? Was I respecting him enough to make him WANT to love me? Right then and there I made it my personal mission to increase the respect I was showing Ry and see what happened.
2 months later, things have never been better. Our bond is stronger, our communication is clearer and our love is abundant. Instead of spending time pointing my finger saying “YOU aren’t loving me right” I should have been pointing it at myself saying “YOU aren’t respecting him enough to make him want to love you”. After all aren’t all good relationships selfless? Aren’t they meant to thrive from serving your partner?
I am so glad I found the resources I did to help me become a better partner and, in turn, a better mother. We have a happier, healthier home and all from one small change in my perspective. Who knew it could be that easy?
Does anybody out there have a moment that seemingly changed their path and led them to somewhere amazing?